


Hold the Sugar

by robin_X3



Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [6]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, If there was a guiness world record for not getting hints Shizuo would be an undefeated champion, M/M, Protective Heiwajima Shizuo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3
Summary: With how busy his new job is, barista/bartender Shizuo could really do without Izayaflirting withprovoking him.[This fic is a part of a series of (un)related one-shots in which Shizuo gets a new job and Izaya manages to get him fired.]
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988926
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Hold the Sugar

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to [Elliot_S_Roy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliot_S_Roy) for letting me bounce ideas off her for this chapter. You're a fic-saver! <3

[ _What happened, Shizuo? You look upset_.]

Shizuo looked up to read what Celty had typed on her PDA, sighed, and resumed wiping the mugs. “I just...miss my last job, that’s all.”

[ _Oh._ ] Smoke slowly oozed out of the Dullahan’s helmet, indicating her sorrow, then increased in volume. [ _IT WAS IZAYA WASN’T IT?_ ] Her PDA shook with anger. [ _Do you want me to do something about it? Shinra is his oldest friend. If you want, I can dig up some dirt on him. We can’t let him do as he pleases, getting you fired every time you get a new job! He can’t just show up out of nowhere-_ ]

“Hello hello. ‘Tis I, Orihara Izaya, showing up out of nowhere!” Izaya entered with a flourish, the doorbell overhead jingling to announce his entrance.

Celty’s shadows whipped about, ready to strike, but a hand on her shoulder held her back. She looked at Shizuo, who shook his head. “No, it’s not his fault. This time, I messed up.” 

Izaya plopped down onto the barstool beside Celty, steepling his fingers together. “Go on, tell her what you did.”

With a sigh, Shizuo explained how the fire department got a distress call and when they had arrived on scene, the blaze was so dangerous that no one wanted to risk their lives to rescue the person trapped inside. “I thought, what’s the worst that can happen? I’m indestructible anyway.” From the corner of his eyes, Shizuo saw Izaya pout and mutter something along the lines of _“Stupid protozoan trying to get himself killed when he should know he’s MINE to kill..,”_ but ignored it. 

“So anyway, I broke down the door with a kick and went in to rescue the screaming person…. which turned out to be a puppet.”

[ _Puppet??_ ]

“Yeah. Apparently, the person who the house belonged to, was in lots of debt. So, to escape that, they decided to fake their death. Their house was insured, and they had planned to run away with the insurance money.” 

[ _Isn’t that a good thing then that you prevented that from happening?_ ]

“Well, it _should’ve_ been. But then the insurance company sued the fire department, and I lost my job for _not following protocol_.”

[ _I’m sorry I’m not following.._.]

Izaya barged in, “You’re so vanilla, Shizu chan. Good thing you’re at least half good-looking- the dumb blond trope is _so_ outdated.”

The mug in Shizuo’s hand shattered, and Izaya started to cackle, choking on his spit.

Shizuo set a glass of water down in front of him, and Izaya took it without a word, sipping it to soothe his aggravated throat. “Excuse me sir, is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!” He said instead of a thank you. 

“No, it’s Heiwajima Shizuo. Did the water get inside your head, Izaya?”

“Aww, if you’re so concerned, can I get your number?”

“Don’t you already have it? I remember you texting me- '` Congratulations on your 5th fire `' when I got fired from the fire department.”

Izaya turned to Celty, “I’m not sure if you can even see in your headless state, but clearly, you can see the irony in that sentence.”

[ _Just tell me why he got fired._ ]

“You’re no fun. I don’t see what Shinra sees in you.” Izaya pouted. “The insurance company wouldn’t have had to pay anything if it was proven arson. But since Shizu chan is a Hulk, when he smashed through the door the whole building collapsed. The arsonist claimed it was a natural disaster and the insurance company lost the case because they couldn’t prove a human being was capable of such destruction.” Izaya’s grin was all teeth.

Celty turned to Shizuo with a [SORRY], to which Shizuo replied, “..and I’d finally found a job where I could finally put my monster strength to good use.”

“You know where you can put your strength to good use?” Izaya leered at Shizuo suggestively, who took no notice of it because he was busy preparing Celty’s drink.

“Hmm, matcha latte with extra sugar. Tell Shinra I said Hi.” Izaya addressed Celty with hostility, causing her to wonder if Izaya was jealous that Shizuo was paying more attention to her instead of him.

[ _What’s going on between you two?_ ]

“Nothing. I don’t know why he keeps showing up at my workplaces unannounced.”

“Would you believe me if I said I followed your scent here?”

Shizuo put down the rag in his hands and sniffed under his arms. “I did take a shower this morning…”

Izaya banged his head on the bar counter.

Celty shoved her PDA under Izaya’s folded arms, away from Shizuo’s eyes. The text on it said, [ _I don’t know what you’re planning but I won’t let you hurt him._ ]

“If Shinra knew how overprotective you’re acting now he’d shoot Shizuo up with a lethal dose of morphine the next time he went to him for stitches.” Izaya laughed at the shadow whips that had wrapped around his leg then, shaking it off. “Don’t worry Black Rider, my intentions with your friend are purely primal.”

Shizuo chose that moment to return with Celty’s change, which he handed over to her with “Thanks for today, Celty.”The Dullahan parted with a reassuring pat on Shizuo’s shoulder, as if wishing him good luck, as much with his new job as with Izaya.

Izaya’s phone chimed with a notification,which Izaya opened up to see a message from Celty: [ _As long as you believe it yourself_.] Izaya scoffed internally. _First Namie, now even Celty…_

Izaya noticed Shizuo approaching his part of the bar again, or more accurately where Izaya had strategically sat because he knew that’s where the coffee machine was. “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so caramel me maybe?”

“Don’t need your number. Already have it blocked.” Shizuo sounded smug as he prepared the orders. Just then, Shizuo’s phone rang in his pocket, and he placed the mugs in his handson the table in order to receive the call. “Hello?”

“My dearest dense dough. You don’t have THIS number.”

Shizuo cut the call with a huff. “Fine, I’ll block this one too. Have you decided what you want yet?” Shizuo asked, surprising himself with the lack of venom in his voice. _Why wasn’t he yelling and cursing at Izaya?_

“All I want for Christmas is you.”

“....It’s the middle of summer.”

“Mhmm.” Izaya twirled around on his barstool. “Do they call you coffee because you grind so fine?”

“No they call me Heiwajima.” Shizuo reached out and stopped Izaya when he started to look like he was going to tip over. 

“You’re like my coffee- you keep me up all night.” Izaya leered.

“You shouldn’t stay up all night Izaya, you have dark circles.”

“You’re really roasting my beans right now Shizu chan.” Izaya couldn’t help it, he was getting annoyed. _How dense was this man?_

Shizuo looked up, perplexed, “I thought you’d prefer a fresh batch.”

“I’m soy into you, I’ve been thinking about you a latte.” Izaya tried again, using easier puns.

“Didn’t know you were lactose intolerant, but are you sure about the latte? Because, if I remember clearly, you never really liked sweets.” Shizuo replied from across the bar, not noticing how his simple observation affected Izaya; Izaya’s mind stuttered at the realization that Shizuo _remembered_ , and he hurried to remedy the pause before Shizuo realized it. “I like my baristas like I like my coffee – hot, sweet and creamy. “

“..okay then. A cappuccino for you. Anything else?”

It’s like Shizuo’s brain had a filter that translated Izaya’s flirtations into another different language that only he seemed to understand. Never one to give up, Izaya tried again. “Are you on the menu?” 

“We don’t serve cannibals here.” Shizuo deadpanned.

“I like the way you espresso yourself. I feel something brewing between us.” Izaya said, seriously reconsidering if Shizuo was worth all this trouble.

“It’s the special Mexican blend. I think it’ll suit your tastes.” _The man knew his tastes! Reconsideration: reconsidered._ “Would you like a sample?”

“How about you give me a taste of yourself?” Izaya winked.

Izaya’s wink seemed to bounce off of the blonde’s thick head. “Again, Izaya, no cannibalism…..or vampirism.” Shizuo added as an afterthought- you could never be too careful around Izaya.

“No I meant, I could take you out.” _This was it. It doesn’t get more straightforward than this._

Shizuo ducked under the bar desk, shielding his head.

“..What are you doing?” Izaya leaned over the bar to see Shizuo crouching behind it, hands covering his head protectively. “Come out Shizu chan.”

“I’m not coming out till you call off the snipers.”

“What...? No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Izaya threw a knife at Shizuo’s toes, who had to stand up to dodge the blade. “You lousy scorpion!”

“Let me buy you a coffee.” 

“...No, it’s bitter.” Shizuo replied, looking sheepish. 

“Right. I forgot about your childish tastes. Okay, how about I buy you a strawberry smoothie?”

Shizuo couldn’t remember the last time he drank milk or indulged in sweets. He’d had to ration for so long due to so many job changes he’d even forgotten what sugar tastes like.

“…alright.” Shizuo said carefully, going to the kitchenette to grab ingredients. “No funny business.” He added hastily, before disappearing out of sight.

“You’re such a TEAse.” Izaya spoke to Shizuo’s back. This wasn’t working. He needed a new strategy.

* * *

Shizuo came back from the storage closet, and saw Izaya still sitting on the same spot, scrolling through his phone, a frown on his face. 

Shizuo felt his brows scrunch into a familiar frown. There was a black haired man sitting beside Izaya, and judging by the gold chain glinting underneath the open collar of his tacky shirt, he was probably someone from some nearby gang. Was this one of Izaya’s clients? Or a victim? Or was he just a target? Whoever he was, Izaya didn’t look interested in the man’s advances.

The yakuza didn’t seem to get the hint however as he kept trying to chat Izaya up. Shizuo felt his scowl deeped at the sight of Izaya’s guarded posture- Izaya never sat like this around him! 

Shizuo assumed that since Izaya was a natural flirt, he would be equally open to proximity with everyone. Izaya practically beckoned Shizuo to invade his personal space more and more with every interaction. But the way Izaya squirmed now in the other man’s presence, politely trying to move away (and why was he doing that when he could easily stab the fucker in the balls?) made Shizuo rethink his own assessment of Izaya’s assumed promiscuity. 

Shizuo barely resisted the urge to stomp over and toss out that piece of trash. It wasn’t his business- he had to remind himself. Izaya was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. **_He_ ** was considering _showing_ his concern for **_Izaya_ **? The pest would never let him live it down if he knew that…

Izaya looked up from his phone, and Shizuo didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up at the sight of him. Shizuo told his heart to stop thundering in his chest so hard, and approached them casually.

“What can I get you?” Shizuo growled, failing at sounding professional.

“One caramel frappuccino with bourbon for me, and a spiked passionfruit cocktail for this hot number right here.” Shizuo grabbed the stranger’s arm before it could grab Izaya’s butt.

“Hey man, lay off. Can’t you see he’s not interested?”

“What are you, his boyfriend or something?” The goon aimed a lousy uppercut at Shizuo.

“Nope. Better.” Shizuo grinned, as he intercepted the punch with his palm, welcoming the fury that flooded his veins. “I’m his sworn enemy.” Shizuo held up the goon by his extended arm and threw him through the glass window, out of the cafe and into the streets, like he was throwing out trash.

“I can’t believe you came for my aid, Shizu chan.” Shizuo turned around to see Izaya smiling up at him through his full, dark lashes, and gulped. Izaya being nice was frightening. He should watch out for knives...

Then, faster even than Shizuo’s eyes could trace him, Izaya leaned up on his tiptoes, and pecked him on the lips. 

_Soft_!- was the only thought that passed Shizuo’s mind, before Izaya moved apart, and Shizuo’s body surprised him when it moved towards Izaya instead of recoiling in anger, disgust, or any other expected emotion. Because it was Izaya. And Shizuo hated Izaya. Right? He should be grossed out. Right? Throw a fit? Where is that stupid DOKI DOKI coming from?

_Swish_!

Shizuo’s shirt, apron and all fell away, revealing new blood on the old scar Izaya had left on him back during their school times.

“Thanks.” Izaya’s smirk was one dripping condescension as he brandished his flick blade, incensed that Shizuo would dare look down on him, dare think that **_he_ **needed saving.

The bar counter under Shizuo’s arms snapped. “IIIIIZZAAAAAYYAAAA!!”

* * *

“Namie please draw me the bath,” Izaya commanded as soon as he entered the apartment, taking off his coat and throwing it on the floor unceremoniously. “Don’t forget to add disinfectants.”

“Not like I care, because I don’t,” Namie made sure she was clear about her intentions before carefully asking, “Is there a reason you’re putting your favourite coat with the burnable trash?”

“It’s infected.” Izaya said, his tone clipped and dismissive.

Namie pressed on, less out of concern for Izaya, who looked unsettled to say the least, and more because she didn’t want to drag some deadly germ with her when she went to stalk her brother, Seiji, later that night. “With what, _Shizu-germs_?” Namie quoted from memory a term he’d often heard Izaya say.

“Hah. No.” Izaya scoffed. “Humans can be too predictable. With Shizu chan, there’s no telling how he’ll react.”

“After all the performance I put up for him, he only reacts when some filthy roach tries to get into my pants. Which wasn’t even part of the script, mind you… To think I’d have to humiliate myself to get _senpai to notice me_.” Izaya laughed again, shaking his head as he took off the rest of his clothes. He flicked on the lighter he kept in his pocket at all times, to earn curry favour with his dealers and clients, and watched the flames dance in front of him, barely hidden aggression coming off of him in waves.

“Well if it’s humiliation you want, it’s humiliation you’ll get.” Izaya lit the pile on fire, and started to laugh as the blaze engulfed his discarded clothes, erasing with it the proof of another man’s unwarranted hands on his person. 

Namie took that as a sign to clock out- it wasn’t part of her job description to babysit a pyromaniac with an unhealthy, obsessive, repressed teenage crush.

**Author's Note:**

> Not very happy with this work. (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞  
> Thoughts, confusions? R&R? ;-;


End file.
